Stop Driving Yourself Crazy

It happens time and time again.  Beautiful and success people, mainly women, are driving themselves crazy.  Right now, you might be thinking, “oh I don’t think you are talking to me. I am not that successful.”  Let me assure you that nothing could be further from the truth!

(Or maybe you are the opposite and you have it all together.  If this is the case, awesome job!  No need to read any further. )

But if you sometimes feel like you are in a self-esteem slump, know this: you are different.  The success that you have radiates beyond conventional success.  For instance, I am sure that you are the person of whom many of your friends—and maybe even strangers—seek out when they have an issue.  They want to talk to you because they trust you.  You have beautiful energy.  You give great advice.  You have a comforting, no-bullshit attitude.

Here’s the thing though…You are probably pretty hard on yourself.  Just because you are not traveling the world yet or just because you do not live in your Barbie dream house (just kidding) yet, you think that you are not “good enough.”

Maybe you feel like you are incomplete because you just can’t seem to “get it right” in the love department.  Maybe you have been searching for “Mr. Right” and he is nowhere to be found.  Maybe the seemingly “perfect” guy turns out to be a fatal attraction or he is NOT the image he portrayed so well on dates one, two, and three…Maybe you did not even get to date number one.

Whatever it is, keep these truths in mind:

Truth 1- There is no RIGHT way to do anything.

When I first embraced this, I remember feeling both relieved and terrified.  I was relieved because I have always had a rebellious streak, but terrified…because WOW…Now what?!!?

Truth 2- It is NOT your fault. Truthfully, there is no “perfect” person and Mr. Right does not exist.

He does not exist because that is an illusion—ok maybe a delusion—given to us from the media. Everyone has his/her flaws.

In fact, what we perceive as flaws, might just be our most attractive and dynamic quality.

Let me explain…Each one of us has our own inner Love Renegade. Accepting these two truths allowed me to connect more and more deeply with my own inner Love Renegade.  Your Love Renegade is the part of you who:

  • Urges you to break the rules and color outside the lines.
  • Radiates beauty and confidence—she trusts that when she comes from love, she creates love—within and around her.
  • Speaks to us in ways that cause our heart to open and for our courage to take over when we feel vulnerable
  • Ignites a spark in you to be your highest potential
  • Alerts us when our personal principles and values—our boundaries—are being tested

When you are in touch with your inner Love Renegade, you are less likely to compare yourself to others. You exude self-confidence.  You come from love and you create love.

How connected are you to your inner Love Renegade?

Do you ever engage with any of the following behaviors?

  • Compare yourself to others—especially to other women
  • Obsess over things (and people) that you cannot control
  • Beat yourself over the head with positive thoughts and affirmations to overpower feelings of worry and fear
  • Run conversations over and over again in your mind to find where you or the other person “went wrong”
  • Feel energetically and emotionally heavy when it comes to passion or relationships
  • Experience frustration with relationships and other people
  • Feel regret for past choices
  • Tell yourself that if only that person could change, things would be so much better

If you have engaged in any of the above, you are not alone! Many of us go through times like this.  There is an ebb and flow to life—especially when it comes to emotions.  Sometimes, we feel great and on top of the world and other times, we are just trying to get through the day.  It happens.

But know this, the behaviors are your heart’s way of asking you to get in touch with your own personal power, your soul.  Connecting with inner Love Renegade can help you do that!

Let’s connect with your inner Love Renegade right now.  Here is how:

  • Write out three things that you do not like about yourself.
  • Do not make these about accomplishments that you have not accomplished or goals that you have not yet achieved.
  • Make these about personality traits that you do not like—you know, the things that you try to keep under wraps when you first start dating—the things that peak out after a month of dating…OR they can be things about you from your past.

NO, WE ARE NOT BEING MEAN HERE!  We are being real.  When we are real, we get to free ourselves from any situation that no longer serves us.

And we are going to do just that with a little alchemy.  🙂

I’ll go first:

  • I am a giant cry-baby.
  • At times, I obsess over things/people that I care about.
  • And (this is one is very embarrassing) I can be a little (ok sometimes very) arrogant.

Don’t I sound like a prize!?!?!  Lol 🙂

Now it is time for some practical alchemy.  Let’s transform those flaws into the gold that they are:

  • I am sensitive.
  • I am passionate.
  • I really, really care and because I care so much, I get to implement the art of “live and let live” on a daily basis!! 🙂 And guess what? Life is soooooo much more fun that way!!!
  • Oh and about the arrogance thing…That has to do with caring so much that sometimes my ego will protect my heart with arrogance…I know that that when the arrogance creeps up, my heart is hurt. When my heart is hurt, I get to address that and heal that within myself.

But what does your self-love alchemy formula look like?  What gold will you create from your alchemical lead or flaws?

Whenever I find myself feeling a little down, my inner Love Renegade reminds me that I have a choice to transform my fear or pain into my biggest asset and greatest opportunity.

Self-awareness is sexy. 

I mean think about it.  If you can OWN the things about yourself that on the surface “aren’t too great,” then you have so much power.  You do not have to worry about being “found out.”  There is really nothing that anyone could say to you that would hurt your feelings. You do not have to hide your less desirable qualities or let them get the better of you.  Instead you can use it to your advantage, and create some really loving results.

Secret to Creating Love

Secret to Creating Love

This time of year, many of us find ourselves in a funk.  We feel at odds with ourselves for what we have or have not experienced or attracted.

If you have been reflecting on your life lately, you are definitely not alone. So many of us are looking at our life, our relationships, and what we have or have not accomplished or experienced throughout the past year.

We can get down on ourselves and glum.  We can beat ourselves up—telling ourselves that we are not “there” yet. What’s funny is, more often than not, we do not even know where “there” is.

Seriously, “there” is often a place that we feel we should go.  If we are not “there,” we make ourselves feel guilty for not attracting or manifesting it yet.

Is “there” a place that you feel you should be by now?  Have you ever told yourself that by now, you should have:

  • Found true love
  • Taken that trip to Europe
  • Stood up to the office bully
  • Told your partner the truth
  • Written that book
  • Gotten healthy
  • Healed your broken heart
  • Followed your dreams

Listen, there are so many things that you can fault yourself for not having or doing.  There are so many opportunities to be mean and critical of yourself.

This does not have to be the case. Let’s look at this another way…

If your heart is yearning or longing or craving something different from what you currently have, know that you are NOT alone.  As humans, we are always looking for a better experience or the next best thing.

You are a bit different though.  You are a soul-driven person.  You are sensitive and have a big heart.

As soul-driven people, we have a passion in us.  It is a spark that can ignite change and be a catalyst for transformation.  It is also that healing light inside of you.  It is the light inside of you that may seem dull at times, but know this—it never goes out!! For this reason:

  • Your sense of longing might feel so much more substantial than the average person’s.
  • You feel things so deeply.
  • You believe in miracles.
  • You feel sad and hopeless at times because you are not experiencing these miracles…

Even if you have a good relationship, there might be a part of you that feels it could be better.  Even if you are at peace with being single, there might be a part of you that secretly yearns for a relationship that reflects your soul’s magic.

Instead of dwelling in your sadness and fixating on what you do not have right now, I want to invite you to give yourself a more joyful experience.

It is very simple.

It starts by doing something that you love.

See, life feels so delicious when we get to do what we love.  And it gets really, really good when we get to spend it with people we love. And it gets really over-the-top good when we are true to ourselves.

I have a theory that really isn’t anything that you have not heard before. It goes a little something like this:

  • When we do what we love doing, we feel great.
  • When we feel great, we uplift our self-confidence and self-esteem.
  • When we are confident in ourselves, we are attractive and clear.
  • When we are attractive and clear, we attract experiences that we love.

What do you love doing that you could easily do right now or in the very near future?

For me, it’s cooking. I love cooking.  The experience of playing with spices and flavors, and dancing with textures.  The excitement of someone saying, “Wait, is this really a vegan dish?  Is this seriously gluten-free?”  It is all so deeply Divine to me.

I have found a lot of love in the kitchen.  It is a therapy for me. It gets me out of whatever funk I am in.  It is a way that I love myself though nurturing my body. It is a way that I love others through making them delicious healthful food.

When I am cooking, I do not think about my problems, someone else’s problems, or the world’s problems. It is a window of time when I am truly present—where I am focused on creating something where I enjoy myself in the process.

I have noticed that it is often when we are in this place of love and being present, we are truly open and free to receiving love in all of its many forms.

See, when we are so focused thinking about what we do not have or dwelling on our problems, we can get overwhelmed.  It can be very difficult to come from a loving, clear, and grounded place.  Sometimes, we might be so flooded that we either sit on the fence and/or self-sabotage in a number of ways.  We keep ourselves confined to a very limited and stagnant and fearful reality.

For a grounded and real-world example, let’s talk about heartbreak or unrequited love.  Sometimes we really want to make someone love us.  We may play a video over and over again in our mind about what happened and where we went wrong or they went wrong in the relationship. We can torment ourselves with this…This can cause us to self-soothe in ways that cause us to feel worse about ourselves…It can cause us to lament the problem instead of focusing on the solution.

We do this often because the solution is so out of reach.  We want a quick fix…We do not want to feel helpless.  The best way out of this is to choose to do something that you love doing and where you do not take yourself too seriously.

Again, for me it is the kitchen. I used to tell my husband that if I approached every challenge in the way that I handle myself in the kitchen I would be free of pain and worry.

So right now if you feel that you are stuck or unmotivated or fearful, I urge you to do something that you enjoy doing. This can be coloring, drawing a picture, doing yoga, writing a poem, volunteering, going on a walk, sending a person that you love a card, etc.  Whatever it is, choose something that you can do right now.

No excuses! 🙂


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