Do you judge others for not giving you the support (ahem, validation) that you would like? Does a part of you feel that you *need* support from others to be the person you desire to be?
I ask these questions to shed light on Mistaken Thinking where love and support are confused with entitlement and validation. See, it is normal to seek safety and comfort when you are making changes and making new choices.
What we forget in this process is the Illusion of Drama, the Illusion of Relationship™ that separates us from Love by insisting that drama come with the natural chaos of change.
When we make changes our environment will react. By environment I am largely referring to our relationships. The other person (let’s say your partner, your husband, your adult child, your best friend, etc) may not be in “like vibration” to the changes you are making and may react as such. In this instance, it is important that you acknowledge that like you, this person has free will.
Just as you are free to make changes, others are free to react to those changes. If any part of you is seeking validation and approval and even feels entitled to receiving this so-called unconditional support, all you are really doing is activating the Illusion of Drama by causing yourself unnecessary drama, pain, and agony.
I bring this up to invite you to acknowledge your own actions, your own intentions, and your own process of initiating change. For example, have you entered into change with a variation of either of the following? (I have done both!)
Example A– You bulldoze forward with an attitude of, “I don’t care what others think! They will have to deal with it!”
Example B– You take action, but you do it in a covert way. It’s like you are living a double life.
Each of the aforementioned situations will inevitably lead to fear because they were initiated with fear. Not only do both of these actions invite drama, as they amplify the Illusion of Drama, but they also make assumptions, which is a hallmark of the Illusion of Absorption.
As you grow, it is wise to accept that much like your inner world and our beautiful oceans, your relationships will ebb and flow. You may find that some of these relationships fall away. This can be both a time of grief and a time of celebration.
Whether your heart is hurting from a breakup or a series of misunderstandings, choose to know that healing and peace are on the way. What would happen if you stepped out of a victim mentality and into your own authority? What would you do differently with all that you learned? What has the other person taught you about yourself?
Bless the gifts of these experiences and move on.
We are complete. We are whole. All is well.
It is Mistaken Thinking to believe that you need permission from some outside authority to have what you desire. You may wonder, “who is this perceived outside authority?” Before we go into the answer to that question, let’s talk about change. Please consider the following questions and select at least one to reflect upon:
- What in your relationship and life would you love to see “magically” change?
- What would the tone of your relationship or dating experience transform into?
- How would your qualities of friendships shift?
- What would you no longer tolerate in your life and relationships?
In order for any of your answers to the above to occur, you must be willing to make the change that is reflected in the answer to the question. Here are some examples:
- Example One– You want your partner to be fully supportive of your growth and your path. If this is true and you want to be able to connect with them on a deeper level, then you be the one to give yourself the permission, love, attention, and support that you desire from your partner.
- Example Two- Perhaps you are tired of playing the role of the “helpful friend” who always gives free advice. If this is the case, then consider that maybe you choose to be the “helpful friend” to obtain permission (a.k.a. validation) instead of stepping into higher levels of your self-worth.
- Example Three- Maybe it is time to set a boundary or start a new endeavor that you have been thinking about for some time, but instead of moving forward, you fear the fallout. Instead of taking action, you allow confusion and the fixation of what other people will think (i.e. secretly wondering if you have their permission) to keep you from moving forward.
What it comes down to is this…
Because you are the most important person in your life, you are the best authority in your life too! Will you give yourself permission to create a life that you love?
Thank you for reading and for spending time with yourself today.
Sending you blessings. <3
With Love and Wisdom,
Many people I connect with express to me that they want to have fulfilling relationships where they feel loved, seen, and supported by others. What I have found is that while this is a beautiful ideal, it is an ideal that can unknowingly push love away.
With the desire to be loved, seen, and supported by others, you might have created standards that came about from past negative situations where you experienced the opposite of being loved, seen, and supported.
As these events were unpleasant—and understandably very hard for you—they caused you to put walls up to protect yourself from being hurt. Then, as you began to process and heal from those experiences you developed healthy boundaries for how you wanted to be treated.
This was great then, but now you are likely stuck and not feeling fully loved, seen, and supported by others. This is because the healthy boundaries you once created have now become conditions, and conditions inevitably lead to being stuck.
Let’s explore this in a practical way…
Many of us mistake approval for unconditional love and acceptance. To see how true this is for you, look at how you handle rejection—in all areas of your life—not only your relationships!
- Do you avoid rejection by staying quiet and tolerating what no longer supports you?
- Do you avoid rejection by being so forceful and frequent about expressing your opinions that it pushes others away?
- Do you choose to dislike others because you perceive that they do not approve of you?
This mistaken thinking [of believing that unconditional love and acceptance are the same as approval and validation] keeps you stuck. Instead of going deep within yourself, authentically connecting with yourself, and making choices that go beyond your conditions by connecting authentically with others, your energy gets fixated on protecting your self-image and micro-managing other people.
What would change if you handled rejection in a new way? What would it feel like to create new boundaries instead of upholding outdated conditions?
Thank you for reading and for spending some time on your relationship with you today.
To Your Inner Wisdom,
One form of mistaken thinking is believing that life has to be hard and that relationships take a lot of work. Many people believe that we have to suffer in order to grow and that anything worth having requires a lot of work. While there is a little bit of truth to this, this is another form of mistaken thinking. Suffering and growth do not have to co-exist. -Lauren Kay Wyatt, CEO of Love Renegades
To go deeper with this, I have some questions for you!
Do you believe that life has to be hard and that relationships take a lot of hard work? On a scale of 1-10, how energizing are your life and relationships? Do you feel more enlivened or more tied down by your relationships and circumstances?
If you are not energized by your life and relationships, you most likely—at least on some level—believe that life has to be hard and that you have to suffer to receive “anything good.”
What would change in your life and relationships if you did not have to suffer? How would you be different from who you are now?
Tired of feeling frustrated, overwhelmed, and stuck in your current relationships? You might be experiencing mistaken thinking, a phenomenon which makes it very hard for you to see the opportunities in front of you, causing you to take incongruent action, which ultimately leads to being stuck and feeling the frustration, anger, resentment, etc. that comes with it.
Signs of mistaken thinking include the following:
- Following advice that is NOT congruent to you and expecting it to work. There is A LOT of mistaken thinking perpetuated by so-called relationship experts, health authorities, and business coaches.
- Seeing only one or two options for how to move forward. This is the Illusion of Absorption at its finest. If you only see one or two options, you are participating in a form of mistaken thinking. If you find yourself arguing that you have no choice, then ask yourself, “Why do I need to be right about being so powerless and limited? How does this help me?”
- Viewing yourself as wrong or defective. This is a form of self-abuse designed to keep you stuck and perceiving yourself as powerless.
- Believing that life has to be hard and that relationships take a lot of work. Many people believe that we have to suffer in order to grow and that anything worth having requires a lot of work. While there is a little bit of truth to this, this is another form of mistaken thinking. Suffering and growth do not have to co-exist.
- Doing what you did years ago, when your relationships and life are now calling you to new action. Usually what worked for us five or six years ago will not work for us anymore. If this is what you are experiencing then it is time to break free of mistaken thinking and open yourself up to new possibilities.
Any of this sound familiar? Would you like to resolve your mistaken thinking, reconnect with the Truth of who you are, and be on your way to authentically enjoying your life and relationships? Hire me to “clean up your thinking” with a Soul Guidance Session. The Soul Guidance Session includes the following:
- Key insight into how you can move forward in a way that resonates to your unique energetic signature
- Shedding light on the Truth of the matter, without all of the illusions that are causing “mistaken thinking”
- Practical guidance for relaxing into your energy as you take new aligned action
This session is 60 minutes, delivered on Zoom. The session is recorded for your convenience. It also includes a 30 minute follow-up session. Until Wednesday June 9, 2021, at 7 PM CST the Guidance Session is only $300, which is half my normal rate!!
Purchase here===> https://www.paypal.com/cgi-bin/webscr?cmd=_s-xclick&hosted_button_id=SD2FWX2R2E22W
After I receive notification of payment, either I or someone from the Love Renegades Team will be in touch to schedule your session and gather the information that I need to create your session. Please know that all sales are final and refunds are not offered.
I highly encourage you to take me up on this offer. I am looking forward to working with you!
NEW VIDEO about the Illusion of Absorption, the Illusion of Relationship™ that separates you from love with mistaken thinking, over thinking, and believing you know everything!
Watch the video here: https://youtu.be/J8KydWyPwks
Read the transcription below, but it is highly recommended that you watch the video!
Today I am so excited to connect with you about the Illusion of Absorption. This the 5th of the Illusions of Relationship. This one separates from Love and disconnects you from your heart by keeping you in your head and in the space being a know-it-all, trying to figure everything out, thinking you have everything figured out. It is totally an illusion because as much as it is hard to admit or accept, there is no such thing as certainly. Yes, when we are under the Illusion of Absorption we take in everything that we have learned, we absorb it, and it is really hard for us to open ourselves up to other perspectives. But really, we have hit a wall. Really, we can only see as far as our perspective will allow us to see. What this can do is it keeps you in your heard. It can make your heart cold. You might feel that you are disappointed by people or that you are disappointing others in some way. You might have some really logical reasons as to why. I have such much love and compassion for you. We’ve all been there. My advice to you is to have love and compassion with yourself to recognize “my heart is cold. It’s a little cold right now. I have some healing to do. Yes, I have done a lot already, but there is still more.” Just set that intention for you to attract the resources and the people ( the coach or healer or mentor) who can support you with what.